That lil bit xtra

Come alone now don tell me u don want that extra bit of cream all over ur chocolate-shake that too its all for free..
What will u not do to have it..
Remember your Mum told ya “Kiddo nothing in life comes for free..” yet the lust for that untimely insane infatuation of free doesn’t go off us.. The longing for that extra bit, though might not look substantial, shrouds the promise of bringing that devoured pleasure to us.
This is not just the market dynamics that I m talking about. I know most of what I have spoken thus far looks so market oriented. The word "free", since times immemorial has been established itself as the biggest USP for any product, pizzas to planes. So, where does it come from? Basic, very basic psychology, from our own day to day dealings we have since incubated this longing for that lil extra.
Remember the school time examinations, how often have we craved for those few extra coveted minutes! And what about the equal share of pie wid our siblings, how oft have we wanted that extra bit from the others share and what great logic “giving away that lil tini-mini bit wont hurt him/her” . Well bro why don’t u take the initiative go ahead, give ur sibling the upper hand in gormandizing. After all bible says gluttony is a sin. Yet our need for that lil bit transforms itself into greed and then lo!! There we go what do we have? We have Israel-Palestine, India-Pakistan.
How can one forget the college/school days first crush or as some prefer calling it love as (if we really know what love actually is) when all you wanted was your (could be) better half to prolong their stay or call for may be just another few minutes, 5 minutes will do, no no, even 2 will do, ok we settle down for ½ a min. Wonder what in the world do we ever plan to do in these procrastinated 30 seconds which we couldn’t accomplish in hours of time we spent together. Its even justifiable to have a rare few occasions but we all know how rare such occasions are when we don’t long for those lil extra few minutes and then there we go we have started realizing the real relish of procrastination. And procrastinate we will, every thing every time we can.. no matter thousands of cases are still to see day light in the may be equal number of courts at different levels in India.

One may argue there is a vast array of considerations we must consider prior to making any such observation but at the heart of all lies the fact that are we justified in making such an observation !! Have we ever tried to do that extra bit what we expect the world to give to us. It percolates to a very basic understanding that if all want is to gain that extra bit without contributing any, the world will exhaust itself of that extra bit and even the basic required bit.
Extrapolating the same logic to the basics that there are no “freebies” we shall understand that if the freebie really exist, for which we don’t haf ta forfeit a bit, where do they come from and why do they not naturally exhaust because its not mortally possible to have a perpetual altruistic provider and an ever receiving docile servile beneficiary. If it ever be possible, it mocks the law of conservation and then we will have to write our text afresh from scratch.

The Rebel

The Rebel that for ever has been in me has always made me go trudge the forbidden territory.
And this doesnt come all of a sudden in me. I dont know when did I develope it but whenever as far as i can remember I have always been one.
As a kid, as a day scholar, the importance of education couldn't been more emphasized, the rote education that is. No doubt it did make me the man I am today but even then I couldn't have tried harder at the sports parts of my education rather then the mundane curriculum. I did all i could to be in the school teams of Volley ball and Table Tennis. I have been really gud at them then.
Then came the first major change of my life. The hostel life in the majestic grandeur of Darjeeling mountains. There they couldn't have laid more pressure on me to develop my co-curricular side but then I topped my school there.
Come to think of it there wasnt much of pressure upon me in the latter two institutions I been to. DPS was lax. And frankly I didnt achieve much out of it. Infact more of a loss then gain there. I ruined it all there hehhehe.. Absolutely did all i shouldnt have. Absolute fun frolic which at that stage of life wasnt the right thing to do.
Anywys then came BIT. Even here there wasnt much to ponder upon. Intially I was doin well on my education part, but then I realised its the only time for me to develop myself to be the man I see myself to be and here I am being wht I am. BIT formed a great part of me. DPS ruined a lot of me. SPS moulded me and MAS shaped me.

Scream, Shout Kill & Die..

I have started hating myself for all have been all this time. I feel so wretched. Shit man wht have i come to.. For the first time today, while reading a certain passage, I realised that I have become an addict. Dont get me wrong here. Its not an addiction of fag booze or grass or anything as such, but ya something equally intoxicating. I mean all this while I was looking for a word to define my state. Been wondering what is it. Is it this or is it that? And here I m today got my answer, its nothing more then some fucked up addiction. What else can it be? Exactly that situation where you know its bad for you to fag, and still you fag. You have come a long way since you derive pleasure of the addiction and the wht you do now is because you just feel the urge to do it. You feel you just cant make the ends meet widout it.
I have been trying hard to quit it, did even quit it a few times, yet 1 sip and am back to square one. I dont know wht to day. I m got damn motherfucking dumbheaded moron and now no one can ever help me out of this. All my well wishers have tried all they can to cajole me out of it.
Every symptom points only to one thing. You know its harming you, your life, your behavior yet you do it. You know its not the right thing to do yet dont know why you still do it..
Its killing me.. I want to get out of.. But i dont hv enough strength to. I have lost it all and am still loosing it..
I want to scream, I want to shout. I want to kill, I want to die....