Scream, Shout Kill & Die..

I have started hating myself for all have been all this time. I feel so wretched. Shit man wht have i come to.. For the first time today, while reading a certain passage, I realised that I have become an addict. Dont get me wrong here. Its not an addiction of fag booze or grass or anything as such, but ya something equally intoxicating. I mean all this while I was looking for a word to define my state. Been wondering what is it. Is it this or is it that? And here I m today got my answer, its nothing more then some fucked up addiction. What else can it be? Exactly that situation where you know its bad for you to fag, and still you fag. You have come a long way since you derive pleasure of the addiction and the wht you do now is because you just feel the urge to do it. You feel you just cant make the ends meet widout it.
I have been trying hard to quit it, did even quit it a few times, yet 1 sip and am back to square one. I dont know wht to day. I m got damn motherfucking dumbheaded moron and now no one can ever help me out of this. All my well wishers have tried all they can to cajole me out of it.
Every symptom points only to one thing. You know its harming you, your life, your behavior yet you do it. You know its not the right thing to do yet dont know why you still do it..
Its killing me.. I want to get out of.. But i dont hv enough strength to. I have lost it all and am still loosing it..
I want to scream, I want to shout. I want to kill, I want to die....